What is going to happen when do you think everything is going to change?
I try to imagine my self in a different way.
Same clothes but different thoughts.
What is making the difference?Money?Friends?Family?Free time? Healthy Brain?
Might be perfect to have the right combination of all of that but I guess even if I´m lucky I was not lucky enough.
So I got something of all and I´m still questioning my self if it is the right combination.
What I got a lot is my stubbornness and still I do not know if it so good to be like that or not but never mind, I accept it.
Once again what is going to happen?
I Broken a relationship at 36 years old after 5 years (and some months) gone together. In the last 5 years (and some months) everything changed.
And now again everything is changing again.
I guess for sure, my flat is changing every day. Little things are going away new are coming and others are moving.
I find more space and I think I do not need it but I try to use it. Some free space I keep it intentionally dirty to keep some memories. Reason: I´m afraid to easily forget and lose the reasons that brings me here where I´m right now standing, looking in all directions and thinking where and when I lost mine compass.
I try to start from the beginning.
What changed in a sec was the music.
In one second I found my self listening completely new music completely different music.
It was a path started slowly in the last years but then radically arrived to the not coming back point. And it happened.
The changes started with Tess Parks, thinking …I like you but I have my doubt I would talk like you..but I like you , you bring me back in one of my very remote sensual part of my life…
Then I move to Angus & Julia Stone, in my opinion the most beautiful couple of singers in the world…after them, and not for beautifulness there is Princess Chelsea, they make you smile, in a way.
After very simple songs that I´m not going to explain why I was listening them…e.g.: “Hold On!” by Olsson or “Fells like we only go backwards” by Lonerism or “Tuyo”by Pedro Bromfman my last desperate try to think everything was going in the right direction….(thanks to “Narcos” series) After all of that I got stocked into Sylvan Esso , (another couple?) album “Se” and very good song “Could I be” , “coffee” ..and here I´m together with new entry (not because of a new album..I should check it if any..) Chet Faker, Fever Ray and Fenster.
So I should go to sleep today is 25.12.2016 actually is 03:42am and I had an amazing Christmas evening but I cannot sleep.
I cannot sleep well because I did not get the “Marry Christmas” expected.
But this is life and you do not get all what you deserve and especially you do not get what you expect.
So there are several way to react…you ignore, you react. I´m still thinking what I´m going to do. In the mean while I listen music, watch my new changing flat and ..thinking.
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